Taslima Talisman

Taslima Talisman

Are we a tolerant society? If I am to go by the recent events of Kolkata, it is unlikely that we can profess to be anything but tolerant. Historically, Kolkata has been a city sensitive to communal riots and calling –in the army earlier this month once again proved that bongs love to create upheaval without any cause. The very essence of secularism is limited to political pursuits of leaders whose myopic views have succeeded in creating a communal mess in urban India. I was left bewildered to fathom what threat could Taslima pose to the civil society by residing in Kolkata! Ironically the government saw in her a threat to peace considering it was hand-in-glove with the mayhem and murder of democracy in Nandigram. So now we have a feminist writer being pushed and shoved in various guest houses for her and the society’s security. Add to it the demand by the ultra right RSS to make Taslima a bonafide citizen of India. RSS seems to have mixed their religion….come-on when we have the trumpeted secular party of India CPI (M) branding Taslima as threat to peace, how can any other party think otherwise, least of all the RSS. Prakash Karat should have publicly admonished the RSS chief for committing treason. I will not be surprised if CPI (M) includes Taslima bashing during their debate on the utterly unclear Nuclear debate in parliament! The (pseudo) intellectual Chief Minister of Bengal can now pen a play “Taslimar Bonbash” eulogizing the ceremonial banish of Taslima from Bengal. Am I a bong? Yes I am, but ashamed to say so because I belong to a state that is being led by fascists.

News from the capital

Winter is descending thick and fast in Delhi. Men, women and even dogs have starting sporting winter wear in all hues of colour. With it has arrived the fabled shordi (cold) and jor (fever) for the true bongs. A walk around CR Park gives a feeling of being in Switzerland. Resplendent in their monkey caps and mufflers, the bongs have started strolling to their favourite hangout – macher bajar (fish market) to buy the prized catch.

Teenagers, young ladies and old aunties are all making a beeline to the nearest movie theatre to catch a glimpse of SRK’s six pack ab in OSO. Well, I think he resembled murgiwalas from Park Circus and Kidderpore areas of Kolkata. While Deepika Padukone was sensuous, my dear old Rekha took the cake and ate it too…she is sizzling and oozes the oomph factor that is certainly amiss amongst the new breed heroines. Between OSO and Goal, I would pick the latter not merely because of Bips but the movie is a shade better than OSO.

Does a PR agency need an agency to manage its image? If the media decides to pin-down a PR agency, other agencies with competency in crisis management and reputation management should start pitching. Believe you me, the account can be quite lucrative and also you can proudly say in your agency’s credentials “We also service Communication Experts maintain Desirable Reputation.”

I am Back

It has been quite a while since my last blog. Of-course I am hearty at this ripe age with heart attacks and joint pains still at bay. It’s just that I was caught up and didn’t have the author-like frame of mind. Thank you for missing me, all my beautiful angels….wonder what I would have done without you all around (in different shapes & sizes!). Much water has flowed under the bridge since my last blog and I was absolutely thrilled to find that somewhat of a “comment war” had started between individuals in the forum.

Where do I start from? Ever wondered what diamonds can do to a lady? She is stunning, carries herself with élan and she makes heads turn. No stupid, I am not talking about a beautiful lady; rather I am talking about the DIAMONDS. At a recent do in Bombay, a dear old (in every sense) friend turned up sporting glittering diamond ear-rings (almost like boulders), GAS jeans and sexy top. She did manage to look quite a siren in the dim environment but that was enough for another lady from the Capital to turn green, orange and purple. No no no not out of jealousy (that is an inherent quality and integral part of women’s existence) but out of being left high & dry by Miss (rather Dame) Bombay. Grapevine has it that Bombay gave a royal ignorance to Delhi even when Delhi (apparently) twisted her ankle. The fact was, D was so upset that while dancing tried to trip B but somehow her own fat feet got entangled and she twisted while performing a twist! But alls well that ends well…D did not fracture her ankle and B got back home happy.

I was hunted down by HUNTER friend literally. Usually she hunts me to find a head for her client, but this time around she was in a fix. She wants to buy birthday gifts (NOT FOR ME) and wanted to know stores (read luxury brands) where she can find certain stuff. I did try to promote Hidesign and DaMilano….but they are INDIAN brands and I was snubbed down. So I did mention about some of my favourite brands like Dunhill, Hugo & Aigner. After slapping (over the phone) me for sending her to these stores, madam found her way to DaMilano. Why don’t women listen at the first go!

By the way my producer friend’s life is happening. Her in&out relationship with a murgi-wala from Park Circus seems to be finally over. To celebrate the momentary break-up, she headed to Puri to pull the chariot of Lord Jagannath. But what caught the attention of all the Puri-walas was not her pulling of the roth (that she did with her little finger, though some eye-witnesses say people thought she want to powder her nose! Rustics) but her Dimple Kapadia like coming out of the sea. Whao…I can picture thee, honey! Apparently she ha become darker than the nulias. Hope she regains her complexion before shifting to Bombay where is she bound to meet murgi-wala from Park Circus.

Talking about holidays, riot and curfew became the order of the dayin Shillong post a not-so-original page 3 celebrity’s visit. She insisted on donning attires that is suitable in civilised African tribal societies. So much so, I am told that her hubby and daughter decided to stay in another hotel and IGNORE her completely. So whats doing the round these days are morphed photographs of a family holiday! Don’t believe what you see…I am not visible in any of the pics!

Ok friends, before I sign off some news in nutshell:
Friend from 9th floor is AVOIDING both head hunter & me. His ever so confused state of mind has become more perplexed with complexities about life & JOB

A leading PR agency in the capital has ordered for a specially designed chair so that a SWIFT can fit in

Not being able to accept rustic & un-lady like behaviour, my lady in the States had her mother over there to bring her back to civility. Now I hear the sister has gone. I can assure both the entities that it’s a waste of time. She can actually make a Bihar out of Japan. Good going sweetheart…I will be always your loyal MISTER (SOCKS!!!)

Tea, Coffee & Fashion

Tea, Coffee & Fashion

Dahlings, I am back after a long hiatus. With the mercury rising and the power department adding to the woes of increasing heat, I feel the Information & Broadcasting Minister was sensible to ban Fashion TV. Understandably the bikini-clad women are too hot to be handled in this sultry weather and such shows should be aired only during the winter months. Did the I&B Minister mention that fTV is the cause of rising rapes in the country? Dear me, this could have been a pertinent point and an ace up his sleeve! Basically when you go to Goa the next time, be ready to see women walking sensuously in wet saris with the curves well defined and visible. Don’t complain it is not vulgar. As long as you are not bikini-clad, you are sati-savitri Indian. As long as men do not leer at the sexy ring dangling from the naval but whistles for being well endowed that protrudes from behind the wet sari, it’s cool…dude. I think the Govt. of India is planning to start midnight session of the parliament and fearing that attendance will be minimal if Midnight Fashion is on air, the I&B Ministry in consultation with Parliamentary Affairs Ministry took this truly commendable decision. Co-incidentally the I&B Minister and the Parliamentary Affairs Minister happens to be the same person. As it is most of our public servants need a walking stick, imagine them walking to with TWO STICKS!

Talking about Goa, Micky’s Angles were recently seen on the various beaches of state. There are varied feedback on their shady activities but it is noteworthy that no FIRE was created as two of the Angels stayed in different rooms….though there was or still is an ongoing RAPID FIRE round between the two of them. The third Angel was spotted DRUNK in her cycling shorts and enjoyed the unstinted attention that she received from all the men around. So much so for being my loyal Angel. Another one did some shopping there and picked up USED, WORN T Shirts and I believe she rinsed those in Dettol before bartering them for utensils.

Karan Johar has successfully chained most of us in front of the television sets on Sunday evenings. Forget the rapid-fire rounds or the candid confessions; what I like most about the show is the introductory kissing in the air. With women, Karan’s goes moah moah with his butts jutting out and minimal physical contact. But with men, hmmmm……and he insists about their sexual orientation. Hey friends, I think Star World will be the next victim of the I&B Ministry for airing Fashion House….it’s a HHOOOOOOOOTTT series. Watch it, if you have not.

Recently I went to Tabula Rasa for dinner. An amazing place to hang around, the flip side were we three. My 9th floor friend – the gracious host, maintained a stoic silence while Ms. Headhunter tried her best, despite being under the weather, to strike up a conversation. Ofcourse, the two of us are NOT fighting hence stop working your brain overtime, Mr. Loudon Street. He is in major quandary these days; well that’s nothing new. He wants to shift to Gurgaon but cannot decide, wants to switch job but cannot, wants a girl-friend but the gym is too far, wants to visit a strip club in Bangkok but the passport office is yet to smile on him. My dear friend what will you do if everything fell in place? You will be again confused!

Love and baby (maybe) is in the air. And that too in exotic international locales. I was squashed with interesting anecdotes from Japan and Spain. My friends do live in style. If they are not successful with their overtures in the country, they decide to sort it out abroad and that too in exotic places wearing exotic outfits. I wish I could share the photographs in this public domain (though many argue that THIS is very PRIVATE)! But alas discretion is better than be sorry. Cheers to the two most beautiful ladies in my life …may one be blessed with Dushomlok and the other may find the peace between ONNAY & OTTACHAR.

I cannot sign off without taking a dig at my former work place. Can you beat it, they unashamedly signed and received my debit card on March 28 and are yet to inform me to take delivery? I guess integrity is not always integral with certain agencies!

The Week That Was

The Week That Was

I was doing a round of the malls and retail outlets last week and came to the conclusion that men’s innerwear is still miles behind women’s. It is true that now we have more choices than in the past, when chaddi & frenchie were the order of the day. The horrific frenchie advertisement, “dreaming about me” swept the nation and men started wearing the liberated form of underwear. While women’s lingerie and negligee have always been a major ‘turn-on’ factor for men, unfortunately it is not vice-versa. Come on think about it, you get some amazing and kinky stuff at Victoria’s Secret, is there anything remotely close to that for men? Yeah yeah I know you want to talk about the CKs, Tommys and Lacostes of the world, but are they any close to VS stuff? No wonder, women do not get a kick about men’s innerwear, while we drool at the very thought of edible chocolate panty. Moreover, to sport CK or Tommy, one needs the physique and the less we speak about it, the better. The memorable moment for us was when jockey introduced the bikini cut for men….that was very comfortable. Speaking about comfort, I think men prefer innerwear that is more comfortable rather than the brand. But mind you, all you men out there, if you are not comfortable you-know-where, it will reflect rather soberly on your facial expression. And please do not be caught with that expression either in public or in private. Staying with men’s underwear, a friend of mine had told me that the West Side underwear is very comfortable and especially during Mumbai’s hot summer and monsoons. Now, you do not want me to explicitly explain the nuances of S&M (oh you dirty minds, its not what you think it to be, it stands for summer and monsoon) comfort!

Saw three interesting movies during the weekend…of-course the entire world must have watched these movies months back. You see I am fast becoming slow…in every aspect. Started off with The Devil Wears Prada and those of you who have not watched it, please grab the cd / dvd and watch it. Its witty, hilarious and Meryl Streep is simply at her best…in doing such bitchy roles. Man everytime I look at her or at Judy Dench, something starts happening to me…older women, I guess! My next movie was Anwar,. Brilliant script and concept with all round dull, boring, pathetic acting. Manisha Koirala can act but her brother…it was like watching SRK in a demure manner. The last one was The Break-Up….I indeed need to go through a relation before passing any comment on the movie. Watch it if you are going through a bad relation at this moment. It will make dumping each other pretty simple and neat.

I had to undergo the torture of Filmfare Awards last night. Those of you missed it, consider yourself to be extremely lucky. The over-rated SRK should realise that he is PATHETIC as an anchor and should limit his histrionics and idiosyncrasies to his bathroom. The actors who performed were soulless…maybe FilmFare did not amply compensate them. Then one had to go through the family saga of the Bachchans and their newly found to-be daughter-in-law and how loving, caring, blah blah blah that she is. Hopefully this time around, Abhishek will be lucky and Ash will not decide to marry a “long lost childhood friend” like un-charismatic Karisma. Of-course she was also there, anaemic looking and chaperoning her sister. It was a good platform to do personal relations. Nobody seemed to be enjoying the show and I don’t blame them, with SRK as the anchor! And what weird clothes he was wearing…absolutely jhuggi-jhopri type. Quite like FP3

Got to rush...not to the toilet. keep reading and sad MONDAY

Long Weekend

Last week was rather fascinating. It started with a meeting with Shyam Benegal and ending with nice weekend trip. Uncle Shyam was in Delhi for the screening of his documentary “Lost Childhood” that traces child labour in India. Since NDTV had interviewed him, I was up and about watching Night Out and Raat baki and it was both audio and visual treat. Priya Sachdev was talking to the reporter during the launch of a jewellery line and she spoke in an amazing Punju-Brit-Yankee accent. Her lip movement was minimal and of-course it looked like she is going through major constipation problem that could be deciphered by the way she spoke. And friends, you should have heard her pronounce “YET”!!! I could not stop laughing. The event had a full dose of air-kissing with ladies resplendent in their minimal clothing. So much so, that they had to take good care of walking or bending….otherwise the moral police of the I&B ministry would have definitely banned Night Out.

My 9th flor friend & I decided to travel to Shimla for the long weekend. Our friends termed it as a good bonding time and the weekend trip was elevated to the pedestal of honeymoon. Now let me make one thing very clear, while I do not suffer from homophobia at the same time I am NOT GAY. When women go out on weekend trips or holidays, they are not termed lesbians, or are they? Anyway, coming back to the trip. So we set out for our sojourn to Shimla on Friday morning. Anticipating an eleven hour long bus journey, I decided to pop not one but TWO Imodiums. Believe me, my friends, two imodiums can do wonder to your stomach….almost unbreakable seal!!! To make matters worse, both of us chickened out of the long bus journey and decided to go to my favourite city Jaipur.

I always loved the city and as my friend put it, “a city of organised chaos”. Of-course we landed in trouble the moment we reached Jaipur. All the hotels seemed to be overbooked, the roads were filled with tourists and even in that milieu you could spot the monkey cap and muffler clad bongs! They are everywhere…from the public toilets to the sophisticated restaurants, you just cannot ignore the breed. Mind you, the weather in Jaipur was extremely pleasant, but muffler and monkey cap…NO WAY. And there we were, two bongs with out bags filled with woollen clothes! If the cops stopped us and wanted to check our luggage, he would have definitely referred us to a mental asylum.

Cannibalism

Cannibalism

With the gruesome Nithara case unfolding by the minute, a question has been tormenting me for the last few days. Do we, humans, have cannibalistic attitude? The answer may not be simple but the desire to bite into flesh has a different taste. Not so long ago, I underwent the rude treatment of being bitten. Yes, BITTEN. And that started the great biting journey. Every morning when I entered office, there was group of friends who welcomed each other, biting. The high point was to make a CLOCK / WATCH in the place where bitten. The only rule was, the person being bitten could not scream…even under I-AM-DYING in pain. My fair sex colleague was pulled up by her senior and was asked to maintain “dignity & decorum”, but that did not deter us for too long from staying without biting. Though I did not get a chance to bite Ms. Dignity & Decorum, as I was mortally scared to lose my YOU-KNOW-WHAT, the biting sessions continued. One day, my fair sex friend bit me real hard which reminded me of my annoprasaner bhat (the first morsel of rice that is fed). I was looking for a chance to pounce on her and I succeeded, or so I thought. She was standing and listening attentively, when I snaked my way through and took the flesh between my teeth and pressed. There was a loud shriek and I, while holding on to my feast, kept wondering as to why she was shrieking when she was supposed to be quiet. I raised my eyebrow to have a mocking look at the painful face and the instant reaction was to let go off the prized possession. I had attacked a DIFFERENT lady! Like Tom (cat), I could feel my tail coiling and in lightning speed was out of the room. What a shame! I seriously did not want to bite her. It was all because of my fair-sex friend that I got into trouble. My other colleagues confirmed that my PREY was genuinely hurt and they thought she would probably file sexual abuse case against me. Thankfully she did not. Hey Sundari, I am really sorry. You are too pretty to be bitten. Ah oh…my other fair sex friends that do not mean you all are HOMELY. But Sundari is SUNDARI.

Sunday was Pulse Polio Day. 2 boondh zindai ka. Two of my friends were given the dose. My ex bong colleague took her daughter, Ms. Sweet, to the centre accompanied by her husband. In her exuberance, she forgot about the daughter and took the dose herself. When I met her an hour later, she looked like drunken Jerry. I have never seen her so quiet and subdued. I am sure her husband would loooooooovvvvvvvvvvveeeee to give her some more doses. My other friend, whose family is aware of her histrionics, was escorted in a more sophisticated. Initially I was under the impression that she was being taken for a drive. I did see her holding ice-cream…20 minutes later that was I SCREAM. But both my friends are looking healthy, wealthy and Unwise.

Of-course Sunday was also the day when my fashionable head-hunter friend decided to sun-bathe and sip her coffee. She quite forgot that we are in Delhi. By the time we decided between American Diner or Big Chill (khan market…idiots. There’s a terrace there), we had taken a chukker (NOT POLO) of the Rashtrapati bhawan. My JUVENILE friend from 9th floor wanted to have French fries, so we decided to go to BC. But, ha ha ha, neither was there French fries nor the Sun. But hats off to my 9th floor friend, even in this chilly winter and despite having a maid and a washing machine at his disposal, he washes clothes (ahem!) himself. Man of steel, I must say. Lucky will be his wife, but the only problem will arise when he wants to dry the washed linen. Hopefully not in public. Speaking about his marriage prospect, I think it will not be a bad idea to arrange for a meeting between Ms. Dignity & Decorum and him.

Oh before I forget, last Saturday there was a gay mela in Big Chill…my friend & I spotted three. And who says Indians are not open minded!

Self-importance?

Self-importance?

And my friends thought I was VELLA. But there are others who score more than me on this and keep me in good humour. But usually vella giri is the favourite pastime of my ilk, but to my surprise I found that even a top boss of an agency is completely vella. Not that he was ever busy otherwise! As it happened it, he met an ex-colleague of mine and offered her a job. Nothing wrong or being vella about that. During the enchanting conversation, my ex-colleague asked him about me. All HELL BROKE LOSE. He went on ‘female dogging’ about me till my ex-colleague couldn’t take it any more. He was POLITELY told by her that she did not like hearing anything about me and that she will definitely not join his agency. I am feeling good…there are people who ‘female dog’ about me. Oh by the way, he was of the view that I “PUBLISHED” one of his personal letter. Dude you could have called me to say that you are desperate to be on my blog….I would have definitely obliged. I don’t recall any letter from him detailing his ORAL GRATIFICATION…or am I mixing him with old chap Bill. Naaaaaaah Billy is much more classy and can hold both his team and oral gratifiers with élan.

I was made to jharu lagao the floor on the last day of last year. Of-course I did NOT go to the Golden Temple to do community service. It happened right under my nose….I mean my foot in my house. But it was a chilled out afternoon. Weather wise also. My dear friends turned up for lunch and the FAKE ones stayed away. The camera of a friend has done immense justice to my otherwise “HOMELY” face. Must invite him to lunch again. NOT the couple but only the CAMERA.

I have decided to tie the knot this year, if not for life than around my neck! Do I sound BONG enough of Saddam like!

Have a great year and keep on reading CHAMURIADDA

The Marriage Season

The Marriage Season

Though I have nothing against marriage, yet the very thought of certain compulsions irk me to no end. Take for instance, you have to share your bed….that too for unknown period. To have a companion over the weekend or for a night is different but to wake up looking at the make-up lost face can be pretty terrifying and emotionally and mentally harmful, if seen for a prolonged period. Then comes the issue of the toilet. All the HAGU ma’s and Bari Jabo syndrome holders will be sharing the same toilet. How hygienic were the good old days when you carried the mug to the nearest field and returned to the bountiful Mother Nature what was legitimately hers. But after marriage, please be prepared to walk in to the toilet to discover the left over of the previous night’s delicious dinner floating and obnoxiously staring at you. Marriage also takes away your privacy in bed. Of-course I am NOT talking of sex. I am talking about emitting foul smelling gas. Though the smell is directly proportional to the last consumed meal, please remember that you have propriety right on the smell (even if it changes) and anyone else smelling it should not reproduce the same smell.

Keeping all these in mind, doubts pertaining to divorces are erased from my mind. By the time one is 23 Bong moms get hyper to get their daughter married. Well, mom who has a son does not lag behind. A prominent Calcutta club, patronised by mostly bong GHATER MORAS (on the verge of kicking the bucket) is the breeding ground for prospective matchmaking. One should see all the pishi mas and mashi mas (paternal & maternal aunts) resplendent in their ugliest of ugly saris with antiquated matching jewellery and mouthful of paan and jarda pondering over bio-data (from memory, as those kids formed part of their previous PNPC sessions) of innocent children to be nailed down.

I remember being part of one session a few years back. In hindsight it was hilarious. The girl’s mother, quite imposing because of her girth and height told her beautiful daughter (thankfully the beauty came from the grand mothers) that she has to meet someone with proven pedigree. The daughter was aghast for she thought her darling and ever-eager mother was getting her married off to some DOG. After much cajoling (and arm twisting by her mother…I think she fractured a few bones, in the process) she arrived in the hot-spot verandah of the club. The to be groom is a friend of mine and who due to peer and parent pressure has become of the most celebrated indecisive boy of our generation. He is a thorough gentleman and no pun intended. He has an equally imposing mother and by the end of the session both Ms. and Mr. were dog tired and embarrassed. I believe the mother of Mr. is still looking for a prospective demure bride. She was found inquiring about the pretty daughter of a prominent bengali industrialist. As for the mother, grandmothers and aunt of Ms., please read on.

The mother of Ms. is a desperate lady. O you sinful people with dirty mind…she is NOT desperate that way, but is desperately looking for a SIL. In exuberance to get the beautiful Ms. married, she was considering the proposal of getting Ms. married to a trade union leader’s nephew. So what even our present FM was a trade union leader at one point of time. But this trade union leader from Calcutta is known for his ability to lie. Dumb people LIE as not to tell what is not true but LIE as in LAY. My dear 9th floor friend, please do not squirm with jealousy for this man lie on the road to halt traffic. I sympathise with you Ms. One fine afternoon, the aunt of Ms. called me (she was about to board her flight) to find out about this “smart and intelligent” LOOKING business news channel anchor. Mind you her aunt was clueless about the boy, but decided to inquire for prospective matchmaking because she and Ms. mother liked him. I think they were interested because of their hidden love for him. The other day while speaking to Ms. grandmother, I was asked to provide information about a certain kiddo who is a practising (keep guessing….I will NOT divulge). I was quite stumped when asked about his year of birth. I stammered and stuttered most apologetically and gave her a certain year. I received a rather rude call from Ms. mother, informing me that my information pertaining to the kiddo’s year of birth was incorrect and that they were crestfallen. I recommend Lady of Girth and Mirth to please consult a certain lady in the club who resembles (pardon my language, dear readers) a bulldog.

But it is not only about prospective matchmaking that is quite tiresome, my chance meeting with a friend’s mother and mother in law (SAME LADY) was quite draining. I spoke to her …correction listened to her for about 15 minutes and out of which she praised her son in law for 13 minutes. Even the boy’s mother never spoke so eloquently about her son….it is quite challenging to have a MIL like his. I wonder what he does, when she actually visits them….and I am told that happens at regular intervals. No respite from MIL even abroad.

I just hope that the mother of Ms. does not read this….AMEN

Hibernating

Hibernating

Of-course not. I have been completely tied up, hence the delay. All of you can now leave your comments on the blog site and you do not have to have an id.

Let me start by updating the happenings at the recent do in Calcutta. And mind you it WAS HAPPENING. My friend who got married four months back decided to entertain his friends in style. He organized a boat party, though I am sure he would have loved to take all of us in the national carrier, which he flies with élan. I am NOT talking about KITES…though he was expected to fly that by an erudite gentle-lady on Lee Road. The boat party was great fun…to see friends drunk yet not falling into the Hooghly. How unfortunate. My hashi-khushi friend was drunk as usual but thankfully did not create any nuisance. No, hold on, he was sitting next to a flier who is associated with “fly the good times” and was constantly eyeing him but I can assure nothing transpired. Talking about this FLIER, my wannabe actress friend was completely smitten by him…more about that later.

For better part of the evening on the boat, I saw my ex morning walk companion fixed to a pretty dame. She must have had an over dose of him…the next day she did not venture anywhere near him. My dear ex morning walk companion, do contemplate as to why birds in skirts are not sitting on your lap for too long and flies away at the first available opportunity. Meeting old friends has its own unexplainable charm and more so when I bumped into my 9th floor friend in Cal. I have to dedicate an entire para to him.

By the time we hit the shore, there were quite a few who did not know what was going on. Hashi-khushi sped away with Mr. 9th floor running after him, my wannabe actress friend misplacing my mobile in her exuberance to take control of the situation, a friend walking up to my friend’s house groping in the dark while her mother threw a fit seeing him. Mr. Parsee was dancing all the way to the car without anyone singing, The Cuckoo did not know which car to take, as Mr. FAKE Will Smith was busy with the firangs. Mr. Golu of School told his wife that he drinks only when he is with his friends…translated “WE ARE SPOILING HIM”, Mr. Fat Turned Slim lost in his own world…whether to pick his wife for the after party or not, Mr. Footballer sporadically shouting in an alien language (sounded like German), Mr. 9th floor adding to all the confusion.

The theme of the evening was WATER. For the after party we went to a poolside pub and my dear readers you should have been there to see Mr. 9th floor in his element. He hugged and smiled at everyone, dropped his drink thrice (the hotel uses cheap plastic glass) and fell flat on his face. He was SMASHED. He wanted to eat at the coffee shop, but we took him to the most up-market restaurant at 4 am for his chicken bharta. I happily left the scene of party at 2 pm to drop dear FRIENDS alongwith wannabe actress, but had to return to the venue because my darling wannabe actress friend wanted to meet the FLIER again. She has a fascination for chengra looking men, though she insists that he lips are like SRK’s. I reserve my comment. Just for the record, both hashi-khushi and wannabe actress have one thing in common – both love CHENGRA MEN!

I will write more on the eventful Cal trip later, but for the moment let me sign off with some news on the agencies front. A dear friend has joined a new agency in the central part of the city. Congrats darling, please spend more time in the office than in the market across the road. Another dear friend from my ex ex ex office (I hope to have got that right!) has put in her papers….I am so happy for I know her next destination. All the best sweetheart. The four ft something is freaking out in the Jaggery Village…the tall balding partner of her agency asked her “How is the weather down there”? There are going to be some more people movements and some of the agencies are going to lose a few good professionals. Ofcourse to each his own, but then there are those who have never seen the world loves to be cocooned in their nests and speak ill of others. Oh by the way, Ms. Revealer, I am told you are dressing rather appropriately these days! I know there’s no one interesting to dress so less

So long

Hibernating

Hibernating

Of-course not. I have been completely tied up, hence the delay. All of you can now leave your comments on the blog site and you do not have to have an id.

Let me start by updating the happenings at the recent do in Calcutta. And mind you it WAS HAPPENING. My friend who got married four months back decided to entertain his friends in style. He organized a boat party, though I am sure he would have loved to take all of us in the national carrier, which he flies with élan. I am NOT talking about KITES…though he was expected to fly that by an erudite gentle-lady on Lee Road. The boat party was great fun…to see friends drunk yet not falling into the Hooghly. How unfortunate. My hashi-khushi friend was drunk as usual but thankfully did not create any nuisance. No, hold on, he was sitting next to a flier who is associated with “fly the good times” and was constantly eyeing him but I can assure nothing transpired. Talking about this FLIER, my wannabe actress friend was completely smitten by him…more about that later.

For better part of the evening on the boat, I saw my ex morning walk companion fixed to a pretty dame. She must have had an over dose of him…the next day she did not venture anywhere near him. My dear ex morning walk companion, do contemplate as to why birds in skirts are not sitting on your lap for too long and flies away at the first available opportunity. Meeting old friends has its own unexplainable charm and more so when I bumped into my 9th floor friend in Cal. I have to dedicate an entire para to him.

By the time we hit the shore, there were quite a few who did not know what was going on. Hashi-khushi sped away with Mr. 9th floor running after him, my wannabe actress friend misplacing my mobile in her exuberance to take control of the situation, a friend walking up to my friend’s house groping in the dark while her mother threw a fit seeing him. Mr. Parsee was dancing all the way to the car without anyone singing, The Cuckoo did not know which car to take, as Mr. FAKE Will Smith was busy with the firangs. Mr. Golu of School told his wife that he drinks only when he is with his friends…translated “WE ARE SPOILING HIM”, Mr. Fat Turned Slim lost in his own world…whether to pick his wife for the after party or not, Mr. Footballer sporadically shouting in an alien language (sounded like German), Mr. 9th floor adding to all the confusion.

The theme of the evening was WATER. For the after party we went to a poolside pub and my dear readers you should have been there to see Mr. 9th floor in his element. He hugged and smiled at everyone, dropped his drink thrice (the hotel uses cheap plastic glass) and fell flat on his face. He was SMASHED. He wanted to eat at the coffee shop, but we took him to the most up-market restaurant at 4 am for his chicken bharta. I happily left the scene of party at 2 pm to drop dear FRIENDS alongwith wannabe actress, but had to return to the venue because my darling wannabe actress friend wanted to meet the FLIER again. She has a fascination for chengra looking men, though she insists that he lips are like SRK’s. I reserve my comment. Just for the record, both hashi-khushi and wannabe actress have one thing in common – both love CHENGRA MEN!

I will write more on the eventful Cal trip later, but for the moment let me sign off with some news on the agencies front. A dear friend has joined a new agency in the central part of the city. Congrats darling, please spend more time in the office than in the market across the road. Another dear friend from my ex ex ex office (I hope to have got that right!) has put in her papers….I am so happy for I know her next destination. All the best sweetheart. The four ft something is freaking out in the Jaggery Village…the tall balding partner of her agency asked her “How is the weather down there”? There are going to be some more people movements and some of the agencies are going to lose a few good professionals. Ofcourse to each his own, but then there are those who have never seen the world loves to be cocooned in their nests and speak ill of others. Oh by the way, Ms. Revealer, I am told you are dressing rather appropriately these days! I know there’s no one interesting to dress so less

So long

Marriage & Marriage

Marriage & Marriage

I am tired...period! No no, its not because I am overworked and underpaid, but because of never ending late-nights that I indulged in the whole of last week. Am I complaining? NO

A dear friend tied the knot last week. When I received the invites, it mentioned three dos...sangeet, wedding and reception. By the time sangeet got over, it was time for the (unscheduled) pre-wedding party. The sangeet was quite happening. The bride got delayed by over two hours, because we reached her place one hour behind schedule and then decided to indulge on some Serbian liqueur. Man that was potent. Did not get a chance to feel cold after that.

When I walked in for the wedding, maintaining a healthy Delhi standard time and Air India schedule time, I was amazed to see my svelte friend who defies every physical law under the sun. She is a mother of two but still looks 18. Hmmm, I am still young...atleast at heart. When alcohol is around, alcoholics cannot be too far away. A friend almost walked back home in his drunken stupor, while another crashed out in the wedding-night bed! The Honeymoon room of the hotel does not seem to encourage weddings. Or else, why will a honeymoon room have two single beds!

A clean shaven friend of mine has landed with a chef's role. Nothing wrong with that...his 15 minutes of fame is on the way. But he has started hallucinating already that he is the star of tomorrow. Yes WILL SMITH get that notion out from your shaven head!

I was in the east coast for a couple of days, again to attend a wedding. But what I enjoyed the most was dining with a multi-talented (actress / director / producer / prop supplier / accountant / driver / health freak...cannot count any more) friend. We caught up on the missing links (NO FAMILY!) of "female dogging" about friends. Thereafter I went clubbing...please ignore my age. Needless to say, more than anything else, I enjoyed the company.

A junior from school and once-upon-a-time friend got engaged to film hero on Sunday. In our illustrious list of who's who, we have added another member. Welcome to the elite club, Mr. K and my best wishes to both of you. Speaking about engagement, I, by chance spoke to my 9th floor friend's ex girl-friend. The little brat did not tell his ex that he was married and now living with his brother-in-law. Oh God, you naughty readers, he is not "living" with his brother-in-law...they just share the same flat...amongst other things!

Back in the capital, I have been receiving congratulatory and best of luck calls...and that too on Sunday. Catching up with a four feet tall friend and treating her to hot chocolate fudge did make me feel like a grandfather. She jumped at the ice-cream counter five times to see the flavour of ice-cream! Grow up, darling.

The lady who regarded me as her "rakhel" is coming to Delhi tomorrow. Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh "Life's Beautiful"...and filled with lust. Amen

FETISH

FETISH

WHAT?!!! that was my reaction when my jaggery village, lonely soul friend informed me about her intention to be part of the "Horsy Thing". I understand that she is Ms. Lonely but that does not mean that out of sheer frustration you will decide to do "horsy thing". I did try to ask her about the stuff and she guided me to "our lives are open book - Orkut". I almost fainted, thankfully there was an oxygen cylinder at hand and I could revive my breathing. My wannabe actress friend from the East coast of India also wants to do the "horsy thing". And for the activity, they have chosen none another a naive, homo phobic north Indian guy. God be with him and it certainly will be his endurance test!!! My friend informed me that the date for the activity has been decided upon. It will take place on Christmas Eve. How Holy and unabashed my friends are! Well look at the bright side, my firends will be contributing to the reincarnation of Jesus Christ. Reminds me of Christmas carol..."Jesus Christ is coming to town". Hark Ho Angels!!!

My 9th floor friend tried his luck to get lucky once again. This time, he went to India Gate with a young bird in skirt. He bought her ice-cream and decided to go for a walk. By that time time his friend joined him and the young lady. But lo behold, my friend found himself isolated as his friend and the young lady disappeared behind the bush!!! Dont lose hope my friend, you can also have your "Horsy Thing"...when the time comes. For the time being play dark room dark room with MALES on Sunday evenings!

I am in august company these days. My paedophile hashikhusi friend is on the prowl again. Last night, he has zroed in on his next prey. But it is rather amusing to see him making the first move. His very characteristic behaviour made one of his prey get married within two months of his meeting.

There is not much on the agency front these days. i am getting hate calls and remove blog calls. So much so, an ex colleague has said that he is going to kill me the next time he meets me. Must inform the National Security Guard. Till then Alvida Na Kahe Na

Lure of money!!!

Lure of Fast Money

In the past decade or so, India with its booming economy has opened the door of aspiration. The onslaught of BPO and other IT services has increased the coffer substantially. So much so, that disposable income amongst young Indians has suddenly sky-rocketed.

It is a great sign of progress, but progress has its pitfalls also. The coming of satellite television has helped Indians to be abreast with the latest around the globe. The internet has turned the world into a global village. People are more conscious about the way they look and have become more knowledgeable about investments. When one starts earning in five figures by the time they turn 19 or 20, the lure of making more money is only but natural. More and more youngsters try to find the short cut to success.

The recent kidnapping of a toddler in the NCR has once again raised the question of how television serials and movies impact the society. Channels’ airing Hindi family drama more often than not has a villain resplendent with all evil activities. From kidnapping to murder, from assassination plot to execution – all is beamed into the drawing room of Indian households. Many of our youngsters, who wants to make fast money resorts to the fantastic plots unveiled by the serials and derive the inspiration to accomplish such daring activities in real life. The kidnapping of the child in NCR is not a stand alone case. It is rampant in UP and Bihar, though there the “professionals” are involved.

What do these youngsters want to do with the money? Most of them wants to realise their dreams of becoming a movie star or wants to lead a life of comfort. Crimes and criminal bent of mind is not limited to the downtrodden strata of the society. The affluent families of the country have got children with criminal bent of mind. The only difference in their case is that these kids do it for drugs, alcohol and sex. Alas, their crimes do not make the headlines as often as for the not-too-well-to-do families. More often than not, we refuse to wash dirty linen in public and keep it within the confines of the four walls. And by doing so, we are abating the chance of the child to come out of the cocoon of crime.

That brings us to the thought about government and society’s responsibility. The evil of such activities are committed by youths who are school drop-outs and thus become prone to crime. It is the fundamental right of every child in this country to get education. Till such time education is not spread (without politicising) to every community in this country, we will be harnessing criminals from early age. It is not possible for the government to be omnipresent, but we as citizens of the country can do something to make the youth of today more responsible. Instead on giving up on them and branding them as wasters, why cannot we take the onus collectively, to engage in constructive dialogue to find the genesis of their problems? We cannot eradicate their miseries or poverty, but we can definitely show them the right path.

Are we ready? Decide NOW

Calcutta

Good Old Days

Calcutta maybe morbid now, but it was the hot seat of night life, industry and lifestyle till the 1960s. Whenever I meet someone, who is 65+ from Kolkata, I am somehow taken to a journey of the city’s glorious past. High life was truly for the people of Calcutta and they enjoyed to the hilt. Allow me to write about the great old city…post independence.

Firpo’s was the place where Calcutta’s fashionable crowd loved to mingle and be seen. After independence, when the British companies still had business interest as managing agencies, every Friday, they used to mail (by sea) reports to London. That meant, post 5:30 pm, the weekend started. Over mugs of beer with huge quantity of cocktail sausages (complimentary) and steaks the firings and the desis mulled over sweet nothings. Come evening, the crowd at Firpos’s would be attired in their evening dress, which meant dinner jacket for gentlemen, smoking cigars or pipes and would dance the evening jiving and waltzing. I am made to believe, the bill-of-fare at Firpo’s was par excellence.

Till the mid fifties, most of the clubs in Calcutta did not open its doors for the Indians. While over the years, quality of members in most the clubs have left a lot to be desired, the golden days actually had members of great social standing. Even to this day, old members of Tolly reminisce about the lazy afternoons spent in the shamiana over shandy. The entry to the club was from somewhere close to where the present metro station is situated. The tennis courts saw gentlemen and ladies sweating it out wearing white flannels. Across the road Royal Calcutta Golf Club catered to serious golfers with two 18hole courses. As a matter of fact, a large part Golf Green is carved out from RCGC.

Night life in Calcutta, I am made to believe, was rather active. Park Street was the perennial point of revelry. There was a night-club, near Saturday Club (I fail to recollect the name…blame it on age!) which played fantastic music and hosted some of the best kept scandals of the yesteryear. In & Out at The Park and Pink Elephant at Oberoi Grand brought the disco culture to Calcutta.

Those were the days, when gentleman wearing tuxedo (dinner jacket) was not mistaken for a waiter and beef steak was not pronounced as baff steak. Life presented to Calcuttans of those days the best. Our generation vies for branded clothes and phoren stuff and assumes that our parents and grand parents were ghatis when it came to such things. But do remember, Calcutta had the largest & the biggest departmental store in the east of Suez.

Calcutta will always remain THE special city for me. In no other city, will you find genuine warmth in people, people offering help to a stranger and people by your side without any selfish reason. These qualities have been passed down the generations and I do hope it will continue to be so. As the great poet said: “Sarthak jonom mago, jonmechi eye deshe; Sarthak jonom mago tomay bhalo beshe…” (My life is accomplished by being born here and being able to love thy…)

What’s there in a name!

What’s there in a name!

The other day I was reading an interesting blog that was dedicated to the various names of Bengali families. The author mentioned how Bengali families painstakingly go through the rigmarole of finding the most difficult name so that their child stands out. It is true Bengali names by themselves are not only tongue twisters but are also teeth-breaking. But hilarious are the pet / nicknames.

The genesis of the endearing names cannot be ever found and also they are meaningless. But calling them the individual by their pet names can be quite embarrassing in public. Take for instance Byaga, Hadu, Chandu, Putul (DOLL) and too for a boy! Much to the chagrin of the individuals, their pet names become their identity. Maybe such weird and nonsensical names can be attributed to the dysfunctional family planning of yesteryears. On an average Bengali households (influential & well-to-do) had seven siblings. Add the same from the cousins and brothers living in a joint family, the number could add up to fifty / sixty in a family! How do you remember their names and what names to you give them? That’s when the likes of Bhuja, Jota, Khadu, Bocha, Nelu, Felu, Fendu, Nontu, Khogen etc. Mind you, they used to rhyme also.

The Bengali families of yesteryears were very broad-minded too! More often than not, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law used to share….no no no not the same man, but the same labour room. Imagine MIL delivering a child while DIL delivering to make MIL a grand mother. Hats off to you grand old ladies of fashionable Bengali households! A friend of mine, settled in London and working with a news agency, gave me a very useful insight about deliveries of yesteryears. In her words, “an aunt of mine was in the final month when, one day she had to rush to the toilet. She sat down and due to sheer pressure; the child came out and dropped in the pot”. That is the beauty of INDIAN STYLE toilets. Not only the husband was spared hospital costs (if there were any) but also named the child Hego. My friend has promised to introduce me to her “potty faced” cousin, when we meet in Calcutta this December. Just cannot wait to meet the person…must carry some good cologne with me. A note of caution to my 9th floor friend, don’t use India style toilets, you never know what the outcome might be.

Last night had a wonderful time at Flavor’s – the Italian restaurant. It was quite intriguing to find a friend of mine DRUNK after consuming a bottle (pint) of beer and noticing how another friend (a lady) had used lipstick…for a change. He went on to comment about her eye-liner before being offered to be kissed by her. I was waiting with baited breath but my male friend chickened out! Well, the closest he would have come to being pecked by a lady, but the moron that he is, coiled under the table in shame. Trait of a true, voyeuristic bangali!

I am planning to host dinner this Saturday. Please bring your poison, food and chairs to sit. And mind you, using of my toilet is a strict NO NO. I suggest you make arrangements for that also.

Winds of Change

Winds of Change

Women empowerment is the order of the day. The fair sex has not only become liberal but more often than not, their actions are bold. There was a time, when women would tolerate mutely tortures from their respective husbands for society did not provide them security. Now, the tables have turned. Poor men folk are on the receiving end. And they cannot even protest!

Talking about women with liberal outlook, it is rathe fascinating how the movie FIRE has inspired the fair sex in the PR industry. As it is, we are always on FIRE, but for them the fire ignited from within is hard to compress and suppress. One the PR agency is rather broad minded and the women out there are not only on FIRE but also happy. Three couples come to my mind, who have defied the order of nature.

It is said unlike poles attract. There is this couple, lets say, Ms. Laurel & Ms. Hardy. Going by their pseudonyms, you can actually relate the size difference! Their dispay of intimate affection publicly in the office in no bone of contention. They are would whisper sweet nothing into each others' ears and suddenly either burst out laughing or shrieking. Both are unmarried, in mid twenties and have good lifestyle. When they dance, it reminds one of Shall We Dance. Ms. Laurel is the female partner and she says, "I want my partner to be aggressive and I enjoy being dominated at times".

The other couple is more classy. They do not publicly display any affection..uh oh...barring once. Both are married and one day when one lady was disturbed by the actions (WORK RELATED) of the other, the mother of one, walked up to the boss and kissed her right on the lips! What FIRE was ignited. I stood their shell-shocked. Alas, one of the partner then moved to Mumbai.

The third couple is the bindaas one. It will be wrong to pair them, for the lady imported by the agency from the west coast of India, does not reciprocate the the advances made by her potential partner. The CHAMELEON is more forthcoming with her directness on the subject and have made innumerable paases at the Lady from the West. Mind you, CHAMELEON is married with a child. I strongly suggest that she should now concentrate on another married lady who wears rather REVEALING clothes, which are more like "DRESS WITH NICE VIEWS".

Its great fun to watch two women fight. Every time I witness such incidents of hilarity, it reminds me of bustee women fighting for thier turn at the tap! Or pulling each other by their hair! Once Mamata Banerjee accused the then DCP of Kolkata (South) Mr. Pachnanda of biting her! Well I reserve my comments on the same, but people of Kolkata had their laugh of the day. Yesterday, in one of the agencies, two FEMALE GIANTS fought. They are similar in size (read BIIIGGGGGGG) and was on the verge of a physical fight. People in the room and in other parts of the office were pretty amused but the admin chap was not. He missed out on the fun part, because he had to remove the comps and other breakable stuff from the room. My Baby and Ms Beautiful smile, please grow up the way you two have grown physically!

Ladies, do keep the FIRE of alive!!!

P.S. - Due to time constraint, the Party of Jaggery Village could not be posted today.

DECIDE NOW

Life in a PR agency is great fun...only if you enjoy being rogered by your clients, journalists and not to forget the boss(es). The cauldron for gorom gorom gossip is something that lure the likes of me into the profession. I believe that one of my previous boss was in a fix recently. In Mumabi for some meeting or the other, the person's credit card bounced back. No no it was not because he did not have any credit left, the reason was "IT HAS BEEN SWIPED TOO MANY TIMES" and the magnetic strip was damaged. Poor soul went to the ATM and met the same fate. Dear Boss, please ensure that the STRIP is clean before you SWIPE it again.

There is this married woman who is after my life. Not that I mind, but her passion has increased to such extent that to get my attention, she went and chopped her hair! Every time I look in her eyes, I am confused...she changes her lens faster than a chameleon changes its colour. I am sure it helps her seduce some dumb journalists.

Staying on with the profession. One of the agency in the far flung corner of the city is fast losing its employees. Some of them are very smart and dedicated...should not have a problem find jobs. But poor agency, its going to lose some bright stars. But is it worth working in an agency that does not recognise the worth of it s people?

A journalist friend was in Mumbai recently to cover LIFW. This journo friend is unique. The length of my friend's nose can put Pinnochio to shame...you can actually locate my friend by the sheer length of the nose and if you have to move around in a crowded room ensure that you are next to my friend. The nose is often used as a Sherman tank. Well speaking about LIFW, an ad-sales manager of a leading website was refused invitations to after show parties and was even, rather endearingly called, a female dog!!! If i am to recall correctly, a "hashi khushi" photogreapher from an afternoon daily had clicked the ad-sales manager with rather revealing undergarment.

Its party time tonight. My friend of the 9th floor agency has decided to visit the salon to get a face lift. He thinks, he has a chance to get "lucky" tonight. Just to remind him, he has been waiting for the last 4 years to get "lucky" in Delhi...but everytime his wife came on the way.

Will keep you posted about the party

DECIDE NOW

DECIDE NOW

Who says life is dull?

Thanks you to the internet, there is hardly a moment of dullness in our lives...or to be more precise in my life. A friend of mine, working in a leading advertising agency, called me this morning to say that he is dying. Now for someone who is usually ensconced on the ninth floor of his agency, my reaction was that he is contemplating suicide. But that can never happen, argued my reason, for he is petrified to hurt himself. I asked him whether he has been detected with AIDS, but there was a long pause. Thats when I realised that was an oxymoron...no I am not detailing out his private life because his wife is in the West and his brother inlaw stays with him. Anyways it was discovered that he overate and he was ill at ease because of GAS...after all bangali.

A Gurgaon based friend has been spreading malicious rumours about me. Now dealing with women is an art and over the years, so it seems, that I have mastered the art of antagonising them. This concerned VILLAGE lady says that I hate her...now pretty young lady, just because you pop up when I am working and have to ignore doesnt mean that I hate you. Women women women!!!

But she did reveal something astonishing about a technologically challenged friend. This concerned lady has been washing dirty linens (about cousins) in ORKUT thinking that Orkut is for private eyes only!!! Not to mention some other juicy stuff. I am too tempted to provide her id, but have to refrain for loyalty sake. Staying on with girls, my friend in Kolkata finally got an invite to a party. Well since it was hosted by balding or balded or clean shaven Ronnie, she was not too excited to go and took along her companion. Ronnie USED to throw fab parties once upon a time, when he was not so old. Wonder how his parties are these days. What I heard from reliable sources makes me think whether the party was actually "happening". Amongst the select celebrity Kolkata guest list present was none other than the most sophisticated, charming slum language user Arjun. And he is ignoring girls these days!!! The boy who ran after every bird in skirt without giving a damn about ccaste, colour, size or creed has finally opted for homosexuality? There is something wrong with Loudon Street I must confess.

Marry if you have to...Divorce you must

You gossip mongrels, please do not think I a writing about my friends. This is a serious forum and serious thoughts are expected. No washing of dirty linens (if you people wear any!) no swearing at each other (abuse is welcome) no sex talks (alas! action is not possible here). For Bongs - Do not say BARI JABO