FETISH

FETISH

WHAT?!!! that was my reaction when my jaggery village, lonely soul friend informed me about her intention to be part of the "Horsy Thing". I understand that she is Ms. Lonely but that does not mean that out of sheer frustration you will decide to do "horsy thing". I did try to ask her about the stuff and she guided me to "our lives are open book - Orkut". I almost fainted, thankfully there was an oxygen cylinder at hand and I could revive my breathing. My wannabe actress friend from the East coast of India also wants to do the "horsy thing". And for the activity, they have chosen none another a naive, homo phobic north Indian guy. God be with him and it certainly will be his endurance test!!! My friend informed me that the date for the activity has been decided upon. It will take place on Christmas Eve. How Holy and unabashed my friends are! Well look at the bright side, my firends will be contributing to the reincarnation of Jesus Christ. Reminds me of Christmas carol..."Jesus Christ is coming to town". Hark Ho Angels!!!

My 9th floor friend tried his luck to get lucky once again. This time, he went to India Gate with a young bird in skirt. He bought her ice-cream and decided to go for a walk. By that time time his friend joined him and the young lady. But lo behold, my friend found himself isolated as his friend and the young lady disappeared behind the bush!!! Dont lose hope my friend, you can also have your "Horsy Thing"...when the time comes. For the time being play dark room dark room with MALES on Sunday evenings!

I am in august company these days. My paedophile hashikhusi friend is on the prowl again. Last night, he has zroed in on his next prey. But it is rather amusing to see him making the first move. His very characteristic behaviour made one of his prey get married within two months of his meeting.

There is not much on the agency front these days. i am getting hate calls and remove blog calls. So much so, an ex colleague has said that he is going to kill me the next time he meets me. Must inform the National Security Guard. Till then Alvida Na Kahe Na

Lure of money!!!

Lure of Fast Money

In the past decade or so, India with its booming economy has opened the door of aspiration. The onslaught of BPO and other IT services has increased the coffer substantially. So much so, that disposable income amongst young Indians has suddenly sky-rocketed.

It is a great sign of progress, but progress has its pitfalls also. The coming of satellite television has helped Indians to be abreast with the latest around the globe. The internet has turned the world into a global village. People are more conscious about the way they look and have become more knowledgeable about investments. When one starts earning in five figures by the time they turn 19 or 20, the lure of making more money is only but natural. More and more youngsters try to find the short cut to success.

The recent kidnapping of a toddler in the NCR has once again raised the question of how television serials and movies impact the society. Channels’ airing Hindi family drama more often than not has a villain resplendent with all evil activities. From kidnapping to murder, from assassination plot to execution – all is beamed into the drawing room of Indian households. Many of our youngsters, who wants to make fast money resorts to the fantastic plots unveiled by the serials and derive the inspiration to accomplish such daring activities in real life. The kidnapping of the child in NCR is not a stand alone case. It is rampant in UP and Bihar, though there the “professionals” are involved.

What do these youngsters want to do with the money? Most of them wants to realise their dreams of becoming a movie star or wants to lead a life of comfort. Crimes and criminal bent of mind is not limited to the downtrodden strata of the society. The affluent families of the country have got children with criminal bent of mind. The only difference in their case is that these kids do it for drugs, alcohol and sex. Alas, their crimes do not make the headlines as often as for the not-too-well-to-do families. More often than not, we refuse to wash dirty linen in public and keep it within the confines of the four walls. And by doing so, we are abating the chance of the child to come out of the cocoon of crime.

That brings us to the thought about government and society’s responsibility. The evil of such activities are committed by youths who are school drop-outs and thus become prone to crime. It is the fundamental right of every child in this country to get education. Till such time education is not spread (without politicising) to every community in this country, we will be harnessing criminals from early age. It is not possible for the government to be omnipresent, but we as citizens of the country can do something to make the youth of today more responsible. Instead on giving up on them and branding them as wasters, why cannot we take the onus collectively, to engage in constructive dialogue to find the genesis of their problems? We cannot eradicate their miseries or poverty, but we can definitely show them the right path.

Are we ready? Decide NOW

Calcutta

Good Old Days

Calcutta maybe morbid now, but it was the hot seat of night life, industry and lifestyle till the 1960s. Whenever I meet someone, who is 65+ from Kolkata, I am somehow taken to a journey of the city’s glorious past. High life was truly for the people of Calcutta and they enjoyed to the hilt. Allow me to write about the great old city…post independence.

Firpo’s was the place where Calcutta’s fashionable crowd loved to mingle and be seen. After independence, when the British companies still had business interest as managing agencies, every Friday, they used to mail (by sea) reports to London. That meant, post 5:30 pm, the weekend started. Over mugs of beer with huge quantity of cocktail sausages (complimentary) and steaks the firings and the desis mulled over sweet nothings. Come evening, the crowd at Firpos’s would be attired in their evening dress, which meant dinner jacket for gentlemen, smoking cigars or pipes and would dance the evening jiving and waltzing. I am made to believe, the bill-of-fare at Firpo’s was par excellence.

Till the mid fifties, most of the clubs in Calcutta did not open its doors for the Indians. While over the years, quality of members in most the clubs have left a lot to be desired, the golden days actually had members of great social standing. Even to this day, old members of Tolly reminisce about the lazy afternoons spent in the shamiana over shandy. The entry to the club was from somewhere close to where the present metro station is situated. The tennis courts saw gentlemen and ladies sweating it out wearing white flannels. Across the road Royal Calcutta Golf Club catered to serious golfers with two 18hole courses. As a matter of fact, a large part Golf Green is carved out from RCGC.

Night life in Calcutta, I am made to believe, was rather active. Park Street was the perennial point of revelry. There was a night-club, near Saturday Club (I fail to recollect the name…blame it on age!) which played fantastic music and hosted some of the best kept scandals of the yesteryear. In & Out at The Park and Pink Elephant at Oberoi Grand brought the disco culture to Calcutta.

Those were the days, when gentleman wearing tuxedo (dinner jacket) was not mistaken for a waiter and beef steak was not pronounced as baff steak. Life presented to Calcuttans of those days the best. Our generation vies for branded clothes and phoren stuff and assumes that our parents and grand parents were ghatis when it came to such things. But do remember, Calcutta had the largest & the biggest departmental store in the east of Suez.

Calcutta will always remain THE special city for me. In no other city, will you find genuine warmth in people, people offering help to a stranger and people by your side without any selfish reason. These qualities have been passed down the generations and I do hope it will continue to be so. As the great poet said: “Sarthak jonom mago, jonmechi eye deshe; Sarthak jonom mago tomay bhalo beshe…” (My life is accomplished by being born here and being able to love thy…)

What’s there in a name!

What’s there in a name!

The other day I was reading an interesting blog that was dedicated to the various names of Bengali families. The author mentioned how Bengali families painstakingly go through the rigmarole of finding the most difficult name so that their child stands out. It is true Bengali names by themselves are not only tongue twisters but are also teeth-breaking. But hilarious are the pet / nicknames.

The genesis of the endearing names cannot be ever found and also they are meaningless. But calling them the individual by their pet names can be quite embarrassing in public. Take for instance Byaga, Hadu, Chandu, Putul (DOLL) and too for a boy! Much to the chagrin of the individuals, their pet names become their identity. Maybe such weird and nonsensical names can be attributed to the dysfunctional family planning of yesteryears. On an average Bengali households (influential & well-to-do) had seven siblings. Add the same from the cousins and brothers living in a joint family, the number could add up to fifty / sixty in a family! How do you remember their names and what names to you give them? That’s when the likes of Bhuja, Jota, Khadu, Bocha, Nelu, Felu, Fendu, Nontu, Khogen etc. Mind you, they used to rhyme also.

The Bengali families of yesteryears were very broad-minded too! More often than not, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law used to share….no no no not the same man, but the same labour room. Imagine MIL delivering a child while DIL delivering to make MIL a grand mother. Hats off to you grand old ladies of fashionable Bengali households! A friend of mine, settled in London and working with a news agency, gave me a very useful insight about deliveries of yesteryears. In her words, “an aunt of mine was in the final month when, one day she had to rush to the toilet. She sat down and due to sheer pressure; the child came out and dropped in the pot”. That is the beauty of INDIAN STYLE toilets. Not only the husband was spared hospital costs (if there were any) but also named the child Hego. My friend has promised to introduce me to her “potty faced” cousin, when we meet in Calcutta this December. Just cannot wait to meet the person…must carry some good cologne with me. A note of caution to my 9th floor friend, don’t use India style toilets, you never know what the outcome might be.

Last night had a wonderful time at Flavor’s – the Italian restaurant. It was quite intriguing to find a friend of mine DRUNK after consuming a bottle (pint) of beer and noticing how another friend (a lady) had used lipstick…for a change. He went on to comment about her eye-liner before being offered to be kissed by her. I was waiting with baited breath but my male friend chickened out! Well, the closest he would have come to being pecked by a lady, but the moron that he is, coiled under the table in shame. Trait of a true, voyeuristic bangali!

I am planning to host dinner this Saturday. Please bring your poison, food and chairs to sit. And mind you, using of my toilet is a strict NO NO. I suggest you make arrangements for that also.

Winds of Change

Winds of Change

Women empowerment is the order of the day. The fair sex has not only become liberal but more often than not, their actions are bold. There was a time, when women would tolerate mutely tortures from their respective husbands for society did not provide them security. Now, the tables have turned. Poor men folk are on the receiving end. And they cannot even protest!

Talking about women with liberal outlook, it is rathe fascinating how the movie FIRE has inspired the fair sex in the PR industry. As it is, we are always on FIRE, but for them the fire ignited from within is hard to compress and suppress. One the PR agency is rather broad minded and the women out there are not only on FIRE but also happy. Three couples come to my mind, who have defied the order of nature.

It is said unlike poles attract. There is this couple, lets say, Ms. Laurel & Ms. Hardy. Going by their pseudonyms, you can actually relate the size difference! Their dispay of intimate affection publicly in the office in no bone of contention. They are would whisper sweet nothing into each others' ears and suddenly either burst out laughing or shrieking. Both are unmarried, in mid twenties and have good lifestyle. When they dance, it reminds one of Shall We Dance. Ms. Laurel is the female partner and she says, "I want my partner to be aggressive and I enjoy being dominated at times".

The other couple is more classy. They do not publicly display any affection..uh oh...barring once. Both are married and one day when one lady was disturbed by the actions (WORK RELATED) of the other, the mother of one, walked up to the boss and kissed her right on the lips! What FIRE was ignited. I stood their shell-shocked. Alas, one of the partner then moved to Mumbai.

The third couple is the bindaas one. It will be wrong to pair them, for the lady imported by the agency from the west coast of India, does not reciprocate the the advances made by her potential partner. The CHAMELEON is more forthcoming with her directness on the subject and have made innumerable paases at the Lady from the West. Mind you, CHAMELEON is married with a child. I strongly suggest that she should now concentrate on another married lady who wears rather REVEALING clothes, which are more like "DRESS WITH NICE VIEWS".

Its great fun to watch two women fight. Every time I witness such incidents of hilarity, it reminds me of bustee women fighting for thier turn at the tap! Or pulling each other by their hair! Once Mamata Banerjee accused the then DCP of Kolkata (South) Mr. Pachnanda of biting her! Well I reserve my comments on the same, but people of Kolkata had their laugh of the day. Yesterday, in one of the agencies, two FEMALE GIANTS fought. They are similar in size (read BIIIGGGGGGG) and was on the verge of a physical fight. People in the room and in other parts of the office were pretty amused but the admin chap was not. He missed out on the fun part, because he had to remove the comps and other breakable stuff from the room. My Baby and Ms Beautiful smile, please grow up the way you two have grown physically!

Ladies, do keep the FIRE of alive!!!

P.S. - Due to time constraint, the Party of Jaggery Village could not be posted today.

DECIDE NOW

Life in a PR agency is great fun...only if you enjoy being rogered by your clients, journalists and not to forget the boss(es). The cauldron for gorom gorom gossip is something that lure the likes of me into the profession. I believe that one of my previous boss was in a fix recently. In Mumabi for some meeting or the other, the person's credit card bounced back. No no it was not because he did not have any credit left, the reason was "IT HAS BEEN SWIPED TOO MANY TIMES" and the magnetic strip was damaged. Poor soul went to the ATM and met the same fate. Dear Boss, please ensure that the STRIP is clean before you SWIPE it again.

There is this married woman who is after my life. Not that I mind, but her passion has increased to such extent that to get my attention, she went and chopped her hair! Every time I look in her eyes, I am confused...she changes her lens faster than a chameleon changes its colour. I am sure it helps her seduce some dumb journalists.

Staying on with the profession. One of the agency in the far flung corner of the city is fast losing its employees. Some of them are very smart and dedicated...should not have a problem find jobs. But poor agency, its going to lose some bright stars. But is it worth working in an agency that does not recognise the worth of it s people?

A journalist friend was in Mumbai recently to cover LIFW. This journo friend is unique. The length of my friend's nose can put Pinnochio to shame...you can actually locate my friend by the sheer length of the nose and if you have to move around in a crowded room ensure that you are next to my friend. The nose is often used as a Sherman tank. Well speaking about LIFW, an ad-sales manager of a leading website was refused invitations to after show parties and was even, rather endearingly called, a female dog!!! If i am to recall correctly, a "hashi khushi" photogreapher from an afternoon daily had clicked the ad-sales manager with rather revealing undergarment.

Its party time tonight. My friend of the 9th floor agency has decided to visit the salon to get a face lift. He thinks, he has a chance to get "lucky" tonight. Just to remind him, he has been waiting for the last 4 years to get "lucky" in Delhi...but everytime his wife came on the way.

Will keep you posted about the party

DECIDE NOW

DECIDE NOW

Who says life is dull?

Thanks you to the internet, there is hardly a moment of dullness in our lives...or to be more precise in my life. A friend of mine, working in a leading advertising agency, called me this morning to say that he is dying. Now for someone who is usually ensconced on the ninth floor of his agency, my reaction was that he is contemplating suicide. But that can never happen, argued my reason, for he is petrified to hurt himself. I asked him whether he has been detected with AIDS, but there was a long pause. Thats when I realised that was an oxymoron...no I am not detailing out his private life because his wife is in the West and his brother inlaw stays with him. Anyways it was discovered that he overate and he was ill at ease because of GAS...after all bangali.

A Gurgaon based friend has been spreading malicious rumours about me. Now dealing with women is an art and over the years, so it seems, that I have mastered the art of antagonising them. This concerned VILLAGE lady says that I hate her...now pretty young lady, just because you pop up when I am working and have to ignore doesnt mean that I hate you. Women women women!!!

But she did reveal something astonishing about a technologically challenged friend. This concerned lady has been washing dirty linens (about cousins) in ORKUT thinking that Orkut is for private eyes only!!! Not to mention some other juicy stuff. I am too tempted to provide her id, but have to refrain for loyalty sake. Staying on with girls, my friend in Kolkata finally got an invite to a party. Well since it was hosted by balding or balded or clean shaven Ronnie, she was not too excited to go and took along her companion. Ronnie USED to throw fab parties once upon a time, when he was not so old. Wonder how his parties are these days. What I heard from reliable sources makes me think whether the party was actually "happening". Amongst the select celebrity Kolkata guest list present was none other than the most sophisticated, charming slum language user Arjun. And he is ignoring girls these days!!! The boy who ran after every bird in skirt without giving a damn about ccaste, colour, size or creed has finally opted for homosexuality? There is something wrong with Loudon Street I must confess.

Marry if you have to...Divorce you must

You gossip mongrels, please do not think I a writing about my friends. This is a serious forum and serious thoughts are expected. No washing of dirty linens (if you people wear any!) no swearing at each other (abuse is welcome) no sex talks (alas! action is not possible here). For Bongs - Do not say BARI JABO