Cannibalism

Cannibalism

With the gruesome Nithara case unfolding by the minute, a question has been tormenting me for the last few days. Do we, humans, have cannibalistic attitude? The answer may not be simple but the desire to bite into flesh has a different taste. Not so long ago, I underwent the rude treatment of being bitten. Yes, BITTEN. And that started the great biting journey. Every morning when I entered office, there was group of friends who welcomed each other, biting. The high point was to make a CLOCK / WATCH in the place where bitten. The only rule was, the person being bitten could not scream…even under I-AM-DYING in pain. My fair sex colleague was pulled up by her senior and was asked to maintain “dignity & decorum”, but that did not deter us for too long from staying without biting. Though I did not get a chance to bite Ms. Dignity & Decorum, as I was mortally scared to lose my YOU-KNOW-WHAT, the biting sessions continued. One day, my fair sex friend bit me real hard which reminded me of my annoprasaner bhat (the first morsel of rice that is fed). I was looking for a chance to pounce on her and I succeeded, or so I thought. She was standing and listening attentively, when I snaked my way through and took the flesh between my teeth and pressed. There was a loud shriek and I, while holding on to my feast, kept wondering as to why she was shrieking when she was supposed to be quiet. I raised my eyebrow to have a mocking look at the painful face and the instant reaction was to let go off the prized possession. I had attacked a DIFFERENT lady! Like Tom (cat), I could feel my tail coiling and in lightning speed was out of the room. What a shame! I seriously did not want to bite her. It was all because of my fair-sex friend that I got into trouble. My other colleagues confirmed that my PREY was genuinely hurt and they thought she would probably file sexual abuse case against me. Thankfully she did not. Hey Sundari, I am really sorry. You are too pretty to be bitten. Ah oh…my other fair sex friends that do not mean you all are HOMELY. But Sundari is SUNDARI.

Sunday was Pulse Polio Day. 2 boondh zindai ka. Two of my friends were given the dose. My ex bong colleague took her daughter, Ms. Sweet, to the centre accompanied by her husband. In her exuberance, she forgot about the daughter and took the dose herself. When I met her an hour later, she looked like drunken Jerry. I have never seen her so quiet and subdued. I am sure her husband would loooooooovvvvvvvvvvveeeee to give her some more doses. My other friend, whose family is aware of her histrionics, was escorted in a more sophisticated. Initially I was under the impression that she was being taken for a drive. I did see her holding ice-cream…20 minutes later that was I SCREAM. But both my friends are looking healthy, wealthy and Unwise.

Of-course Sunday was also the day when my fashionable head-hunter friend decided to sun-bathe and sip her coffee. She quite forgot that we are in Delhi. By the time we decided between American Diner or Big Chill (khan market…idiots. There’s a terrace there), we had taken a chukker (NOT POLO) of the Rashtrapati bhawan. My JUVENILE friend from 9th floor wanted to have French fries, so we decided to go to BC. But, ha ha ha, neither was there French fries nor the Sun. But hats off to my 9th floor friend, even in this chilly winter and despite having a maid and a washing machine at his disposal, he washes clothes (ahem!) himself. Man of steel, I must say. Lucky will be his wife, but the only problem will arise when he wants to dry the washed linen. Hopefully not in public. Speaking about his marriage prospect, I think it will not be a bad idea to arrange for a meeting between Ms. Dignity & Decorum and him.

Oh before I forget, last Saturday there was a gay mela in Big Chill…my friend & I spotted three. And who says Indians are not open minded!

Self-importance?

Self-importance?

And my friends thought I was VELLA. But there are others who score more than me on this and keep me in good humour. But usually vella giri is the favourite pastime of my ilk, but to my surprise I found that even a top boss of an agency is completely vella. Not that he was ever busy otherwise! As it happened it, he met an ex-colleague of mine and offered her a job. Nothing wrong or being vella about that. During the enchanting conversation, my ex-colleague asked him about me. All HELL BROKE LOSE. He went on ‘female dogging’ about me till my ex-colleague couldn’t take it any more. He was POLITELY told by her that she did not like hearing anything about me and that she will definitely not join his agency. I am feeling good…there are people who ‘female dog’ about me. Oh by the way, he was of the view that I “PUBLISHED” one of his personal letter. Dude you could have called me to say that you are desperate to be on my blog….I would have definitely obliged. I don’t recall any letter from him detailing his ORAL GRATIFICATION…or am I mixing him with old chap Bill. Naaaaaaah Billy is much more classy and can hold both his team and oral gratifiers with élan.

I was made to jharu lagao the floor on the last day of last year. Of-course I did NOT go to the Golden Temple to do community service. It happened right under my nose….I mean my foot in my house. But it was a chilled out afternoon. Weather wise also. My dear friends turned up for lunch and the FAKE ones stayed away. The camera of a friend has done immense justice to my otherwise “HOMELY” face. Must invite him to lunch again. NOT the couple but only the CAMERA.

I have decided to tie the knot this year, if not for life than around my neck! Do I sound BONG enough of Saddam like!

Have a great year and keep on reading CHAMURIADDA